After all day, enjoying the weather, doing school work, smoking in the sun, enjoying life, I decide to text him, ask him how his night is going.
There are no follow up questions: "Good, I'm glad!" When I tell him I'm having fun dancing. And I wake up to text insisting that I'm hooking up.
I feel awful this morning. Yet again. And I can't even feel good about my day, my date the day before, my changes.. because I love him so much and he doesn't see what he does, or doesn't do.
I can't even have conversation with him. To him, I'll probably always just be this liar and skank. But I've made the effort to change. He, on the other hand, feels justified, and I'm here prepared to accept it all for a chance at a real relationship with him, as stupid as it sounds..
But it's like I said to the guy on the date, I need to figure out how to keep him in my life, and move past the hurt. I won't let it eat me up inside everyday and lead me to cry before bed, not knowing who's arms he'll end up in, or who he'll be texting follow up questions, and niceties to at the end of the night.
