Previous Goal : make changes, feel good about changes, work on accepting feelings. (achieved).
New Goal : feel good about changes, act on changes, actively listen to feelings and accept and pursue what I need.
Stipulations
1. I want to take time to myself and work on appreciating the day without regards to a broken heart.
2. I want to refrain from seeking out his company and keeping tabs through social networking.
Stipulations 1 and 2 are in the goal of "actively listening to feelings".
3. I want to make new acquaintances and meet new people who have a good outlook on life, balance in lifestyle and a focus that does not seriously depend on intimate relationships.
4. I will not settle for...
4.1 Being dismissed. "Fine" or "whatever" responses are not acceptable means of communication and I must acknowledge that they actively set me back in my goals.
4.2 Actively pursuing intimate relationships that do not include monogamy.
4.3 Having relationships in which I am made to feel excluded in secondary company.
4.4 Capitulating into a sexual relationship to satisfy an immediate desire for love.
Stipulations 3 and 4 are in the goal of "accepting and pursuing what I need".
6. I want to focus on making a plan and actively pursuing said plan for my future.
7. I want to accept that I may slip up and make mistakes if prior stipulations are not met, but that I will follow these guidelines from now on, in order to move forward and actively grow from prior mistakes.
Stipulations 6 and 7 are in the goal of " feeling good and acting on changes".
I can no longer be satisfied with the band-aid quick fix of insisting on trying to understand where my feelings come from and what they truly mean. I need to act if I'm going to be successful in my life and in love and friendship.
I have the answers: I have worked through my feelings to understand them and know what they truly mean for me. Now I have to work on being OK and moving forward. The love of my life has already worked on being OK and moving forward. "Talking, sharing, etc. and ignoring feelings" seems to hint to me that he's not ready to work through his feelings for me. And I can no longer try and figure out how best to create a dynamic that will allow those feelings to resurface. That isn't my place.
* * *
I had a spectacular evening with him on Wednesday night: probably the best we've ever had. But nothing has changed. Things are still as they are.
I can only change myself and that's what I'm starting as of today. If I post, it will only be to update myself on how I've held true to the stipulations. Nothing more and nothing less.
It's time.
