Last night he lied to me again, to make me jealous, because he thought that I was intending to hook up. From that lie, came anger. I called him a skank. He smacked me. I was angry then that he wouldn't talk to me. I shoved him. We fought. We were pulled apart.

Everyone comforted me because they saw him smack me in the bar, because even after that had happened I could only speak good things about him.

All of it, from a lie. A lie with no purpose because my commitment to him is now only my commitment to myself. And though I may not be committed to him, my heart doesn't let me consider alternatives right now..

I made a huge mistake in shoving him, but he had no right. I can't be disrespected anymore. Not like that. I can't allow anymore lies. I can't fight for someone that does nothing to try and build trust. Nothing.

I'm broken. If it's a game that we're playing, he wins. I can't go to that bar anymore. I can't look at the doorman in the face. I can't love him anymore. All he does is throw it back in my face when he feels the least bit insecure about the truth behind my words.

* * *

I don't know how to do what I think I should do.