Last night, I went out for a friend's birthday and ran into an acquaintance of mine that had become Facebook friends with my ex. When I asked how they knew each other, he related to me details of a wonderful night of beers that they had had this past week.
I later, at the same bar, ran into an old ex of mine, from two years back. We reconnected and decided to go for drinks this rainy Sunday afternoon. We talked about our past relationships, our futures, etc.
My ex, whom I still love, is going for drinks, is hoping to date around. No matter how hard I try, only he will one day know if whether or not he's ready to open up to me and give us a chance in something real and committed and actually put the work in. And I'm sick and tired of feeling like I have to compete.
I no longer wish to fight. I feel like I've given it my best shot. I don't want this present relationship that we have where the only time he seems to put in any effort is through a casual text here and there and in trying to make me jealous at a bar... because the rest of the time, in his pursuits, his energy is seemingly focussed on trying to find something better than me.
This new life, with new prospects begins with a day like today: a rainy Sunday with an ex, after having turned that page and developing new kinds of relationships with those people that were important to me once before; it's time to turn the page, no matter what plot develops in the next chapter...
No more drunken texts, no more invitations and attempts to have him come out and get an idea that we can work things out. No more reacting violently to lies. No more lies. No more fighting. No more hurting. It's time to live my life without all this conflict, no matter what that one day may mean...
